Blog - Central Wisconsin Counseling Associates

Why I love Telehealth Sessions By Katie Akkerman, LPC

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 17:17:14 GMT

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- Choose where you attend therapy. This can be your bed, office, outside, in your parked car, outer space. As long as you are comfortable, safe, and have privacy.

- No need to drive anywhere.

- If you want to wear PJ’S, do it. (Although, PJ’S are also welcome in office �� )

- Pets offer comedy and comfort during therapy (Here’s looking at you Archer and Minni)

- You can control your environment; do you want to have candles lit? Do you prefer a lot of light or just a touch? You want to grab a snack? You want your own fidgeter? Go for it.

- Allows more flexibility when it comes to certain types of therapy treatments (especially OCD therapy).

- No waiting rooms.

- No need to haul your therapy homework (or Stanley’s) around.

I want my clients to have a therapeutic environment that feels good to them. Think about how this may look, feel, and smell like. If possible, create your own therapy space. We can also work together to figure out what that space may be. With that being said, let’s get in our cozy clothes, hydrate, and do therapy!

Day Light Savings “Fall Back” Pointers

Wed, 19 Oct 2022 21:50:48 GMT

Day Light Savings “Fall Back” Pointers

By Christopher Hoffman

The Uniform Time Act enacted in1966 is happening this month whether we enjoy its benefits or not. The ritual of Day Light Savings will soon require the changing of clocks back by one hour. In 2007, our federal government specified that daylight savings time would apply from 2:00 a.m. on the second Sunday of March until 2:00 a.m. on the first Sunday in November. This year we will be setting our clocks back one hour at 2:00 a.m. on November 6 ^th .

How are people affected by daylight savings time? The change can affect many, especially those who battle depression and anxiety. As the seasons transition from Fall into Winter it becomes tougher for people to acquire enough sunlight. Exposure to sunlight results in the absorption of Vitamin D which is an essential component to fighting off depression and anxiety. This lack of sunlight and Vitamin D, results in depression levels going up. Conversely, when winter transitions to spring, depression levels usually go down due to the increase in daylight hours. Not only do time changes affect mood but it also affects sleep schedules. One study found, on average, a person loses 40-45 minutes sleep during the “Spring Forward” phase of daylight savings time. However, we do gain an hour in the “Fall Back” phase but in the end, does this really even out?

The following are helpful tips we can do to prepare ourselves for the adjustments in the time change:

Gradually adjust bedtime 2-3 days before transitioning to daylight savings time by waking up 15-20 min earlier than usual.
Establish a consistent sleep schedule routine even on the weekends by getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night.
Nap in moderation by not exceeding naps longer than 20 minutes in length.
Spend time outside.
Refrain from consuming caffeine too close to bedtime.
Refrain from alcohol consumption before bed.

Being “pro-active” with our own preparations when it comes to daylight savings time may be the best way to manage and “cope” with the side effects.

PTSD Treatment: Learn more about Cognitive Processing Therapy By Katie Akkerman, MA

office@cwca.biz (Amy Gunderson) — Mon, 26 Sep 2022 16:24:59 GMT

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) is an evidence-based trauma therapy shown to be effective for the treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The US. Departments of Veterans Affairs and Defense and International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies have endorsed CPT as “a best practice treatment of PTSD.“ (Resick, PhD, Chard, PhD & Monson, PhD, 2022). The average length of treatment for clinically significant reduction of symptoms is 12 weeks. Some clients report relief at 6 weeks. (Typical therapy is 6-24 sessions, 45/60 minutes dependent on client’s needs and/or insurance).

CPT is a structured and active therapy. The client plays an active role by completing practice sheets outside of therapy this helps facilitate progress in therapeutic sessions. In CPT, the therapist will ask you to write an Impact Statement about the traumatic event that asks you, “why you think the event happened? Also, how you see the world and others because of the event?” It is important to note that you don’t have to dive into the details of the traumatic event, only the thoughts of why you think it occurred and how it has impacted your life. For clients who want to go into more depth, there is an option for this.

The Impact Statement will allow your therapist to find Stuck Points. Stuck Point are unhelpful thoughts that are thought to perpetuate the cycle of PTSD. An analogy often used to describe this is a fire. If one were to start a fire and just let it be, what would happen? It would eventually go out. In the case of those who suffer from PTSD they “fuel the fire” by adding “Stuck Point logs” so the fire keeps burning. Our goal is to find the Stuck Point logs, challenge them, and let the fire burn down naturally.

For more information on Cognitive Processing Therapy including videos, brochures, and even a podcast episode please go to https://cptforptsd.com/cpt-resources/

Anxiety in Children by Ann A. Soe, MSSW, LCSW

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 19:20:00 GMT

All children experience episodes of anxiety. It is expected and normal during certain developmental stages and experiences. Children in infancy and toddler stages can have some degree of anxiety when leaving their parents and younger children can have short term irrational fears of the dark, animals, weather, strangers, etc. If anxieties are intense, long lasting or begin to interfere with daily functioning then it would be prudent to seek evaluation with a mental health or medical professional.

Types:

Separation Anxiety

constant thoughts and fears about safety or self and parents
refusing to go to school
frequent stomach or headaches or other physical symptoms
extreme worries about sleeping or being away from home
overly clingy
panic or tantrums at times of separation from parents
trouble sleeping or nightmares
Phobia
irrational fears of specific things
dogs or other animals
insects
needles
heights

Phobia

irrational fears of specific things
dogs or other animals
insects
needles
heights

Generalized

many worries about things before they happen
constant worries or concern about school performance, friends, sports
repetitive thoughts or actions (obsessions)
fears of embarrassment or making mistakes
low self esteem

*info adapted from American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

When symptoms become patterns that last longer than a few weeks and/or interfere with a child’s sense of well-being, daily functioning at home, in school, with friends and family, it is always a good idea to seek out professional evaluation, information, and support for both the child and parents. CWCA has staff that specialize in working with children using a variety of treatment techniques to address anxiety. For more information or to schedule an appointment please call 715-424-6960

Dealing with Chronic Pain/illness By Katie Akkerman, LPC-IT

Tue, 08 Mar 2022 20:21:00 GMT

Living with chronic pain, at times, may lead one to feel isolated and misunderstood. Especially when society may perceive you as looking “normal.” This perpetuates the stigma and leads many individuals to further retreat. If you or your loved one are living with chronic pain, below here are some thoughts to consider.

There is often a sense of “loss of identity” when you are learning to navigate through life with chronic pain/illness. You may not be able to do some of the things you used to do. Also, some people may not understand your journey while others will. Your inner circle may become smaller but also deeper and more connected.

Often, people feel guilty for having to rely on others or feel like a burden. This guilt can bleed over into many areas of one’s life and create a cycle of depression and anxiety. Being able to gain insight, challenging counterproductive thoughts, and learning when to enforce boundaries will help. Lastly, make sure you are incorporating self-care strategies into your daily routine. We often neglect self-care at times when we need it the most; take a moment to think of five things you are grateful for, listen to music, journal, enjoy the sun (or rain) etc.

What is Counseling? By Roger Pagel, MSE, LCSW

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 18:00:00 GMT

What is counseling?

Let’s simplify counseling into an analogy. Counseling is like emergency roadside repair work. Your car has a flat tire, dead battery or other issue. This problem prevents you from continuing on your journey and results in you calling an Emergency Roadside Repair Service. The service comes to fix the problem you’re back on the road and continuing with your journey. In essence, the engine is fine, the body of the car is fine and your car does have an issue but this doesn’t mean the whole car is ruined.

On the road of life we all have “flat tires.” The engine is good, the body is good but we do have problems at times. Mental Health counseling is helping us fix the “flat tire” so we can resume our journey through life.

Challenging Counterproductive Thoughts By Katie Akkerman, LPC-IT

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 16:11:00 GMT

“I should do the extra assignment my boss assigned me,” “I should be a 4.0 student.” “ I shouldn’t eat dessert,” “I should just be grateful, there are people out there who have it worse than me.” These are some examples of counterproductive thoughts, aka the “should” statements, that many therapists trained in (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) CBT will challenge with their clients.

Many of us call it “catching the shoulds.” Notice how often you are “shoulding yourself.” Once you recognize this you can then challenge these counterproductive thoughts. Play detective and ask yourself “what would I tell my loved one if they made similar statements?” We are often our own worst enemy. Once we flip the script and realize, “ I would be gentler with my friends etc.,” we can hold space for ourselves and become more compassionate.

The “shoulds” are not the only example of counterproductive thoughts. Click on the link below and pay attention to how often other counterproductive thoughts pop up. It may be beneficial to write down when it occurred, what feelings you had, and how you felt physically. If you would like more strategies to help, please consult with a therapist trained in CBT to help guide you.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5cb61b1e29f2cc34d16e2bd6/t/6022eb8fc92dd368b05e0cd0/1612901283479/cognitive-distortions-list-infographic.pdf

MEDIATION CAN HELP RESOLVE DISPUTES By Jennifer Stoiber

Thu, 14 Oct 2021 13:58:00 GMT

Most people have heard of the term “Mediation” but many are not exactly sure what it means. Mediation is a process to help individuals resolve their differences. A mediator’s job is to guide both parties in a discussion about their dispute or conflict and through negotiations, work towards a jointly accepted agreement.

During mediation, each party is given the opportunity to explain and discuss their concerns and is asked what they would like to see as an “ideal” outcome. This is a helpful tool in that it allows each party the opportunity to hear what the other person has to say.

Mediation is most successful when both individuals are willing to work towards an acceptable agreement. It is successful a high percentage of the time, as it is voluntary and is done in an environment where individual “positions” are looked at as goals and values. What makes mediation so popular is that it allows individuals to have an open discussion in an environment where they feel safe and comfortable. Intimidation, blame, and judgement are removed from the process.

There are many reasons individuals choose mediation instead of going to court. Court proceedings are lengthy, stressful, unpredictable, not confidential, and extremely costly. Mediation allows people to meet with a mediator in a timely manner and in a pleasant setting. The information shared in the session is confidential and the outcome is controlled by the parties involved, not the court system. One of the most appealing reasons for individuals to seek mediation is that it is the most cost-effective way to resolve a conflict.

Mediation might be used for many different situations where parties are not able to reach a solution or resolution. One of the most common reasons for people seeking mediation is regarding the placement of their children. Every mediation case presents with unique circumstances and the number of sessions required will depend on how many values need to be addressed.

Helping individuals resolve their disputes is the ultimate goal of mediation. Through the years, court orders that once made sense can become outdated or new conflicts can arise. Mediation is a wonderful tool to help individuals get back to healthy communication and peaceful resolutions.

If you would like more information on mediation or would like to schedule a session, call 715-424-6960 and ask for Jennifer Stoiber.

Jennifer is a mediator with Central Wisconsin Counseling Associates in Wisconsin Rapids. She has been mediating for over 12 years and has worked in the mental health field for over 30 years.

Why Did She Stay? By Katie Akkerman, LPC-IT

Thu, 16 Sep 2021 17:00:00 GMT

Statistics show 1 out of 4 women experience physical abuse from an intimate partner. This blog certainly recognizes that men are victims. However, for the most part society focuses on women. The focus seems to always concern the question, “why did she stay?” “why won’t she just leave?” etc. The questions come with good intent but may leave the woman feeling isolated.

Many women have many reasons that they stayed. In fact, there was a whole hashtag trend #whyistayed on the internet a few years ago (below is an article). Domestic abuse is more than just physical. Domestic abuse is emotionally and mentally damaging. There are also the different phases of domestic abuse; the abuser will hurt and then apologize and swear it will never happen again. These stages are not linear and not one person follows the same course or time frame.

It is to be noted, women often make less money than men and are usually the childcare providers. This puts even more of a strain on them. There are ways out, but one must be sensitive to each individual case. Sometimes a safety plan is put into place along with gaining job skills or more economic freedom. Looking at options for childcare, etc. Be mindful, that society may focus more on why she stayed and less on why he abused. A therapist can help navigate the feelings that come with leaving or staying and most importantly empower her. Listen to why she stayed or is staying.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/whyistayed-twitter-domestic-violence_n_5790320

How About some “Hygge” to Feel Happy?! By Ann A. Soe, MSSW, LCSW

Wed, 25 Aug 2021 19:25:00 GMT

Hygge!! It’s pronounced “hue-gah” and I fell in love from the moment I learned about it. Denmark has held the impressive honor of being one of the happiest countries in the world for something like 40 years in a row. This is mind blowing really! I mean, what the heck do those Danes know and have that the rest of the world is craving??!! They have up to 17 hours of darkness per day in the depths of winter and it gets damn cold there. Little sunshine, tons of snow, dark days, freezing temps and they are HAPPY people?!

So…yea, it is all about Hygge! They learn, believe and live Hygge! Simply put, it is a Danish word and way of life meaning the ritual of enjoying life’s simple pleasures. Some say it illuminates the Danish soul. It is an all-encompassing attitude, a vision, a belief system, a prioritizing of little pleasures that translates into happiness-the true heart and soul kind! It may have originated from a pre 19th century Norwegian word meaning “well-being”. Justin Parkinson of BBC News points out it sounds a lot like the word “hug” and shares that an obsolete meaning of hug is “to cherish oneself; to keep or make oneself snug.” It sounds a lot like how my esteemed colleague and co-author Christie Gause-Bemis and I teach the message of Radical Self-Love in our playbook, Ignite Your Life. Live Life with Passion, Purpose, and Play.

The idea of Hygge is catching on. Morley College in London is teaching students the concept of Hygge in their Danish language course. It’s a concept that I believe whole heartedly in and have been teaching for years. I have been encouraging, creating and shouting, “Hygge!” and didn’t even know it. Here are some words that Danes use when asked to describe/define Hygge: cozy, warm, sweet, comfy, family, friends, good food, good drink, kindness, indulging, sunsets, hot tubs, laughter, candle light, togetherness, bike rides, hugs, cuddling, soothing, tasty, gentle, beautiful, fun, firelight. This sounds a lot like the “P-Words” I share and encourage in my work with clients-Pleasure, Passion, Purpose, Play.

So, let’s confront a cultural belief that has GOT TO GO! It keeps you from true happiness…it keeps you from being the brilliant, bold, beautiful human you are meant to be. It keeps you from living your life to the fullest. Comfort, pleasure, joy, play, passion, self-love, indulgence, etc. are our birthright. These things are not luxuries to be experienced once all the work is done, all the business taken care of, all the responsibilities covered, all the loved ones cared for. These things are a necessity for our well-being, health and personal growth each and every day and in all we do. Wanna be happy?? Then let’s do this! Let’s learn from the Danes! Make a list of life’s simple little pleasures…a Pleasure List! Make a commitment to do one of those each day-even on those days when you least feel it-as a matter of fact, it is most important on those days. Let’s do as the Danes have always done-live with a Hygge state of mind!

Wishing You Hygge,

Ann Murgatroyd-Soe

What To Expect From Your First Therapy Session By Katie Akkerman, MA, LPC-IT

Wed, 21 Jul 2021 15:33:00 GMT

You made the decision to see a therapist and now you are wondering what happens during the first session? Most clinics will have you fill out information beforehand to give the therapist a clearer picture of your background. This information may include medical information, mental health history, family history, your symptoms and what brought you to counseling. A lot of people are nervous during their first session. This is very normal, you are meeting a new person and disclosing personal information! It is important to remember that therapists must keep everything confidential, besides the limitations of confidentiality, which will be given to you before your first session and discussed with you during your first session.

During the first session, the therapist will review this information and ask questions for clarification. The first session may feel like a repeat of the information you gave before your first session, however, it is helpful for the therapist to make sure both of you are on the same page. The therapist will ask if you have any questions, make sure to ask them, or even better come prepared with questions. After the 2nd or 3rd session, the therapist and you will work together to identify manageable goals. The therapist will work with you to come up with three goals that are measurable and realistic. The goals will be reviewed throughout your time in counseling.

Some tips after your first session is to gauge how you are feeling after the first session. Did you feel like the therapist and you were on the same page? Did you feel like the therapist was attentive and listened to you? Not every therapist is the same, think about if you are able to be open and honest with this therapist? Do a “check in” with yourself right after the session and a few days after to see where you are at. You could do this by journaling your thoughts. Don’t feel “ guilty” if you don’t feel the therapist and you would be able to work together effectively and efficiently. That being said, you may need a few more sessions (or not) to see if the approach is right for you. Listen to your gut. Therapy is collaborative so don’t be shy about telling the therapist what is and what is not working for you.

Coping with Grief By Katie Akkerman, MA

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 20:58:00 GMT

Grief comes in many different variations. It may be a loss of a family member, partner, friend, a pet, even a drug addiction. Grief is loss. Whether one has lost a loved one or one is grieving a former lifestyle there are things that you can do to cope.

Create an intention or ritual. What do you hope to learn from grief? Of course, we may not have the answer to this question right away. Suggestions would be on the anniversary of a birthday, passing, or the day you got sober to do something positive and fulfilling. You will know what feels right for you.

Journal This may happen before you create a ritual. Journal about the experience that grief has brought into your life. Grief can open you up to reflect on your values. Grief can open you up to what you want or don’t want in your life. Of course, this is not to minimize the pain that comes with grief. It is meant as a reflection as to what positivity may come from this pain.

Go easy on yourself Recognize that not everyone’s grief will look the same. Your grief experience is uniquely yours. Timelines are arbitrary. Practice good self-care. Self-care is not just bubble baths and chocolates (although those things are great). Self-care is doing things every day that intentionally makes you happy.

With grief there may be guilt, recognize that is normal. A lot of people feel that if they are having a good time, they are “not properly grieving.” On the flip side, people may feel that they need to “just get it together” and may feel they need to always show a brave face. There is a balance, a harmony, between the two. If you feel your grief is significantly impacting your life and you need more support, please consider talking to a therapist.

How to support your transgender or nonbinary child By Erin Johnson, MA, LPC

Tue, 11 May 2021 16:27:00 GMT

If your child does come out to you as trans or gender nonconforming, the first step to showing your support is to confirm that you love them. It may seem like a simple thing, but studies show that trans youth who are supported in their gender identities have better mental health outcomes.

Hearing how your kid realized their true gender identity allows them to not only share their journey with you but also allows you to understand and learn more about your child. Remember, their being trans or nonbinary isn’t about you or your parenting-it’s about who they are as a person.

You should also seek out additional information from support groups and medical professionals like your child’s pediatrician or family medicine doctor. This lets you hear from trusted individuals who have personal experience raising or treating gender-diverse children.

Aside from showing your acceptance and making an effort to learn more, you can also ask your child how they would like you to support them. Do they want you to be with them while talking to extended family about pronouns? Should you have a conversation with their school? Let your child tell you what they need, so you can figure out how to best be there for them.

Let your child participate in decision about what they will wear

Take them shopping!

Compromise when possible on outfits to formal events, church, picture day, and so on. As a parent, be a safe person who supports their exploration. They’ll get enough negativity from the rest of the world. Don’t be their first bully.

But also: Don’t be surprised if your child changes their mind or seems to want different things at different times. Some kids’ tastes just change and some kids will present themselves differently from day to day based on how vulnerable they’re feeling to the pressure to be “normal”

The important thing, no matter why your non-binary child is making the choices they are making, is to be a steady, constant source of support, and to help them make truly informed, empowered decision about their presentation.

Use the Correct Pronouns

If your child wants you to use they/them pronouns to refer to them instead of she/her or he/him, use the correct pronouns. It’s not grammatically incorrect and although it may take some getting used to, their pronouns are an important part of their identity.

Be Your Child’s Advocate

Educate your relatives, friends, parents of other children, and school officials. Children cannot always advocate for themselves. They may be too young to be able to explain what they want and need. They may not understand adult prejudice. You are your child’s greatest ally in their journey to be themselves. You have the language to explain why they need to use the “wrong” restroom. You have the authority to insist that laws designed to protect them are enforced. You will be better able to intercede with other adult family members and friends when they express ignorance or hostility toward your child’s choices. Take that power and use it for good.

Non-binary children are not monoliths. Depending on their assigned sex at birth and their gender, a non-binary child will face different challenges. Feminine children assigned male at birth will be shamed for femininity, teased and sometimes even subjected to horrifying brutality in an effort to “toughen them up.”

Children assigned female at birth who express masculine characteristics are sometimes tolerated, as long as they are the right age, the right race, them right kind of “boyish.” Often, thought, if they step outside the boundaries of acceptable “female” behavior-like being gender-non conforming and also having a non-straight sexual orientation, or continuing to exhibit “tomboy” characteristics as a teenager- the tolerance is abruptly discontinued.

Non-binary children who have an identity that is neither strictly masculine nor strictly feminine are, at best, seen as “confused” rather than exploring or understanding.

The Art of Receiving

Tue, 11 May 2021 16:27:00 GMT

by Ann A. Soe, MSSW, LCSW

The challenge of balancing giving with receiving is a common theme in therapy and coaching. Recently, I was on a powerful coaching call with a woman that had said a great big YES to herself and signed up for a 6 month intensive coaching program that she had wanted to do for a long time. We were setting over-arching intentions for the work she was going to do for the next half year and beyond. We were moving right along until we got to the “R-word”. She had identified the need to balance self with others, to open herself to others, to improve her self-care, and to expand her friendships.

When I asked her what stops her, gets her stuck, what keeps her from fully embracing and accomplishing these things she so needs and wants, her reply was strong and quick, “I feel guilty!”

I hear this so often…this obstacle is all about the “R-word”! RECEIVING! We are so often good at giving, caring, gifting, nurturing, loving, honoring, encouraging, teaching others. Take a moment and ask yourself, “Do I do each of those things in meaningful and consistent ways for myself?” Most of the time the answer is no. We have defined ourselves and our roles with others by what we do for them, how we care for them and how well they are doing in their lives. Self is usually absent from the equation. This was certainly true for the woman on the call and it is all too often true for most of us.

The real, raw truth is that if we want to live our best, healthiest life we must learn to receive equally to what we give. I use the example of the oxygen mask on the airplane to explain. What is it that the flight attendant says in the safety message about the mask?? We all know the answer, always put your own mask on before helping others, even small children. We understand this because if we can’t breathe, we can’t help. This is true in our own daily lives as well but somehow we convince ourselves it is selfish. In fact, it is basic self-care to open ourselves to receiving. It is essential to our own health that we learn to accept offers, ask for what we need and desire in order to create a balance of self with others.

Another way to look at receiving is to ask yourself if someone you love handed you a beautifully wrapped gift you would not simply toss it back to them saying, “No Thanks. I’m good.” Why? Because that would feel bad and likely hurt the feelings of the giver. It is the same with receiving offers of support, assistance, kindness, help. If you don’t accept the offer, you are taking away the chance for someone in your life to have the experience of being there for you. You are, in essence, tossing their gift back at them. Opening yourself to receiving is vitally important to building healthy, balanced relationships.

We need to do two very important things to live a balanced life at our full potential. First, we must learn to do all those things we do for others, for ourselves. Grab a journal or notebook. Go back and look over that list above of all those things we do for others. List them and any others you can think of. Take each one and this time write an intention statement for each. ”I will give to myself by_______.” “I will care for myself by________.” “I will nurture myself by_______’” etc.

The second and equally important is to open ourselves to receiving from others. Be mindful of the ways you turn down, turn away from receiving from others. Look for the phrases you use to do this and shift toward opening and receiving. Next time someone offers, take a breath and shift to accepting and simply saying thank you just as you would if they brought you that pretty gift.

In order for us to give to others at our highest potential, we must be balanced in our own life and this undoubtedly includes the balancing of self with others, giving and receiving!

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”

- Brené Brown

Reducing Stress and Anxiety By Cheryl Wessling, LPC-IT

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 19:32:00 GMT

When we are experiencing anxiety or stress our physiological response is that we start diaphragmatic breathing or hyperventilating. When we hyperventilate we do not oxygenate our brain and we do not get rid of the carbon dioxide. Because of that, our blood vessels constrict, our skin and muscle tissue begin tensing up and away we go! The following exercise is designed to address the physiological reaction to anxiety and stress.

Step One: First of all you need to be aware of your stress and anxiety, the earlier the better. Once you feel anxiety coming on, find a comfortable, ideally quiet place, and sit or lie down. The first step is breathing so your torso fills up with air. If you are hyperventilating your chest expands, but if you’re deep breathing your stomach expands. Start by taking a deep breath in through the nose, count to five and then blow the air out through the mouth, and count to seven. Do this three times. Now you have oxygenized your brain and expelled the carbon dioxide.

Step Two: Tighten every muscle in your body, from your feet to your head, and hold that tension for as long as you can. This will release the muscle tension.

Step Three: Keeping eyes closed, picture in your mind’s eye that you are in the most relaxing, calm and serene place you have ever been, or may want to go to. Pay attention to the smell, the sound and the sights, just like you were there and there is not a worry in the world. Most people can get to a relaxing place, but have a hard time staying there because we are distractible. That is OK; just keep coming back to that place.

Some people can’t imagine a relaxing place, or they can’t picture it. I would then suggest, with eyes closed, count your breaths, 1 in and 1 out etc. You’ll probably lose track and that’s OK, just start over. It’s not the number of breaths that is important.

Recent research suggests that if you would do the above for ten minutes every day, your brain chemistry actually alters in eight weeks.

The Journey to Forgiveness

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 21:01:00 GMT

The Journey to Forgiveness

Ann A. Soe, MSSW, LCSW

Forgiveness…it’s a big word. Most of us have struggled with it. There is real vulnerability in acknowledging when and how we have been hurt and sometimes, the idea of forgiving seems impossible. It is, however, so very necessary to our own healing and wellness. It is often, if not always, some part of the therapy process. The phrase “forgive and forget” is not helpful and it keeps many of us from actually healing. Forgiving doesn’t mean turning a cheek or minimizing. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, what was done, or how if impacted you. It means truly leaning into it all and working through it. It means taking stock in what was done to you, what part you might have played, if any, and how you have allowed it to affect you.

We learn best by story so I will share one of my own. In 1999, my father, my rock, my mentor, my friend was killed in a car accident and my mother left horribly injured and widowed. They were hit by a man that barreled across three lanes of traffic in broad daylight on a wide open, no obstruction of view highway on a sunny April afternoon. (you can you hear my pain and struggle here). I can tell you that I have felt every conceivable emotion and thought about this man and what he did to my family. I can also tell you that I spent a lot of time in healing and that it wasn’t always done in a neat, orderly, understandable and productive way. Sometimes it was a horrible, dark, ugly, angry, hopeless, broken, all-consuming, devastating swallow me up kind of pain.

I eventually began to shift my language, to understand that, as humans, we are imperfect, that accidents do happen with terrible outcomes and that this man certainly didn’t intend to kill my father and that he and his family will live with their own painful awareness and impact for the rest of their lives too He was not drinking, he was not speeding, he was plainly said, not watching, waiting, focusing clearly enough to know that he did not have the time or space to make it across traffic or to see my father’s truck approaching. I began to open myself to understanding the bigger picture, the very nature of human lives…the beginnings and endings and the life that happens in between. I realized that I was, in my own healing journey forgiving this man for the seemingly unforgiveable irresponsibility he showed that day behind the wheel. I challenged myself to consider the times in the past that I may have lost focus, reached for the radio tuning knob, looked at my passenger in conversation or laughter and not been my most clear, responsible, eyes wide open self behind the wheel. It wasn’t easy to do but I did know the truth, accidents do happen and lives are forever changed in an instant.

I worked to heal my heart, in part by recognizing that it I was forever changed and it would get me or I would get it! I let go of the victim thinking. I spent years in survivor thinking in order to just make it and take care of my life and loved ones. Eventually, I was ready to move in to thriving. I was changed by my Dad’s death and the deep pain it caused. I realized how important it is to live every minute of life to the fullest. A fire was lit by my forgiveness and I was ready to combust. I made many huge life changes to create a passion filled life. This healing and forgiving played a big part in the changes I made. Some, I may never have done if not for this tragedy. I opened my own mental health clinic, never to be an employee again. I set clear boundaries in my closest relationships. I said yes to my desire to travel, to buy that fast, hot car, to have fun. I left a marriage that wasn’t terrible but did not meet my needs or compliment my passions. I let go of the tight Momma grip I had on my son as he faced his own challenges in creating his young adult life. I stopped taking responsibility for others in my life. I said good-bye and I wish you well to some friendships that were unbalanced and not supporting me in my greatest good. Forgiveness gave me that ability to start living again and it has made all the difference.

“Forgiveness is never about the other person. Someone hurts us and then we hurt ourselves by bringing up the issue in our minds and hearts over and over again, reigniting that pain. Forgiveness is about reclaiming your power and putting an end to the damage you’re doing to yourself by consciously choosing to release your past.” -Shayla Logan

EMDR Therapy

Wed, 03 Feb 2021 15:50:00 GMT

How Does EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) Therapy Work?

Cheryl Wessling, LPC-IT

Many individuals who seek counseling hope for emotional, behavioral, or relational changes in their lives. People desire relief from their suffering which may be related to anxiety, depression, or traumatic experiences.

When we experience life events, our mind stores the information in our memory network which includes our unconscious mind. For example, if you read the words “Jack and Jill” you may automatically begin to finish the sentence with “went up the hill.” The immediate recollection of the full sentence is a result of your unconscious mind connecting with your conscious. Similar to how the words “Jack and Jill” trigger thoughts, our unconscious mind allows disturbing memories to surface when we are triggered by people, places, or sensory experiences. As a result, the unconscious becomes the present-day foundational memory base for our beliefs, behaviors, and feelings. When we feel emotionally “stuck” with anxiety, depression, or discomfort some individuals participate in counseling to gain insight and explore their feelings at a deeper level.

EMDR therapy works by connecting the unconscious mind and memories with the reasoning and analytical part of our brain (frontal). Similar to when an individual dreams or is in the REM sleep cycle, during EMDR the unconscious memory is accessed through bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, etc.) while the client briefly verbalizes their beliefs, physical sensations, and feelings to the therapist. Since the client is awake during this entire therapeutic experience, they can re-process a memory experience with higher reasoning which provides relief and new insights.

Essentially, negative emotions do not cause suffering. Rather, negative emotions are symptoms of un-processed negative memories. To read more about EMDR, visit the website https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/

Cheryl Wessling, LPC-IT is a trained EMDR therapist at Central Wisconsin Counseling Associates. She provides EMDR to individuals who already receive counseling services or for those who desire to establish as a new client.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Sun, 01 Nov 2020 23:42:00 GMT

Molly S. McLaughlin, MA, LMFT

As the temperature drops and the days become shorter, many notice a growing sense of sadness or despair. It might become more difficult to get out of bed in the morning and easier to put on a few extra pounds. This phenomenon is often referred to as “the winter blues”. Although some reaction to seasonal change is normal, some people experience an exaggerated form of these symptoms. Their depression and lack of energy become debilitating, negatively affecting work and relationships. The clinical term for this condition is Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (also called SAD) is a subtype of unipolar depression and bipolar depression with symptoms that begin and end around the same time each year. Winter depression, the most prevalent form of SAD, manifests with symptoms of major depression typically starting in the fall and persisting into the early spring. A rare form of SAD causes depression in the spring or early summer. Women are 80% more likely than men to suffer from the disorder and although it can occur in children it is usually first diagnosed in adults between the ages of 20 and 30. The prevalence of SAD is a given year is around 5% of any given population depending on the geographical location. Generally speaking, the further one is from the equator, the greater their risk for seasonal depression.

Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder include:

1) Feelings of sadness and hopelessness

2) Loss of interest in things that used to be enjoyable

3) Social withdrawal

4) Excessive sleep

5) Fatigue

6) Irritability or moodiness

7) Overeating, carbohydrate cravings, weight gain

8) Sexual problems/loss of libido

The cause of SAD remains unclear. Many experts believe that the lack of sunlight during the winter months is a major factor. Lack of sunlight can lead to an increase in the hormone melatonin which helps regulate the sleep-wake cycle. It may also interfere with the brain chemical serotonin which affects mood. A deficiency in vitamin D has also been linked to SAD. Vitamin D is naturally manufactured by the skin when exposed to sunlight. In the winter months in the northern half of the United States, the sun is not strong enough for the skin to make vitamin D.

How is SAD treated?

Light Therapy - is a common treatment for SAD. It involves sitting close to a special lamp that emits simulated sunshine for 30 to 60 minutes each day.

Medication - Antidepressants are often prescribed to treat SAD to help restore balance to the brain’s serotonin levels.

Psychotherapy - Even though SAD is thought to be a biochemical illness, negative thought patterns and behaviors may make symptoms worse. If so, a specific type of psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy can help you identify and change thoughts and behaviors that are working against you.

Many people find implementing the following behaviors beneficial in improving and regulating their mood; regular exercise, socializing (even if it takes some effort), eating healthy, adding omega 3 fatty acids and vitamin D supplements, and minimizing or eliminating alcohol, caffeine and sugar.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a serious illness. If left untreated, it can lead to suicidal thoughts and substance abuse. If you believe you may suffer from SAD, contact a mental health professional for an assessment.

Molly McLaughlin, MA, LMFT is a psychotherapist with Central Wisconsin Counseling Associates in Wisconsin Rapids. Licensed in marriage and family therapy, she enjoys working with couples, families and individuals of all ages. She has been practicing in the local area for almost 15 years.

ADHD in Girls

Tue, 01 Sep 2020 07:48:00 GMT

Molly S. McLaughlin, MA, LMFT

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurological disorder affecting the parts of the brain that control attention, impulses and concentration. Current statistics estimate that 9.4 percent of school aged children have been diagnosed with ADHD. Historically it has been thought of as primarily a “boy’s disorder” due to their higher rate of diagnosis. Today we understand that ADHD is not linked to gender and that girls are just as likely to have the disorder. Despite these findings however, boys are 3 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. Even worse, girls with ADHD are diagnosed on average five years later than boys (boys at age 7, girls at age 12) prolonging their suffering. The main reason for this discrepancy between genders is that ADHD presents itself differently in girls than in boys.

Girls are more likely to have the “inattentive type” of ADHD. They may lose or misplace things often, forget their homework, daydream, or seem “spacey”.

Boys on the other hand show the more “classic” symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsiveness, difficulty sitting still, and disruptive or aggressive behaviors that are more externally noticeable (and troublesome) to others.

Because they cause fewer problems in the classroom and at home than their male counterparts, girls with ADHD are less likely to be referred for diagnosis and treatment. Socialized to please their parents and teachers, girls can be very good at compensating for the disorder, making it difficult to recognize. When others do notice this behavior in girls it is often misunderstood as immaturity or lack of academic ability rather than ADHD.

What dangers do girls with undiagnosed and untreated ADHD face?

Social pressures . Girls with ADHD experience more peer rejection than do boys.

Low self-esteem . Girls with ADHD often sense that they are "different" from other girls. Frequent criticism and repeated social blunders may lead to shame or humiliation, forming a negative self-image that can persist into adulthood.

Difficulty meeting social expectations. Social norms for girls in our society encourage neatness, gracefulness, sensitivity, and compliance with adults. These expectations can be difficult for the often disorganized, clumsy, and emotionally reactive girl with ADHD to meet.

Greater risk for depression. Girls with ADHD can be five times more likely to suffer from a co-existing mood disorder and three times more likely to have anxiety compared to girls without ADHD.

Risky sexual behaviors. Teenage girls with ADHD may be at greater risk for pregnancy and STDs than are other teenage girls. Many of these girls are prone to have unprotected sex, use birth control inconsistently, and/or have multiple partners.

Greater risk for substance abuse and other addictive behaviors . Adolescent girls with ADHD are more likely to abuse addictive substances, vape, smoke cigarettes, and develop eating disorders.

Because the majority of research on ADHD thus far has focused mainly on boys, we are only just beginning to understand more about ADHD in girls. If you suspect that your child may have ADHD, contact a mental health provider to inquire about testing.

Molly S. McLaughlin, MA, LMFT is a psychotherapist with Central Wisconsin Counseling Associates in Wisconsin Rapids, WI. Licensed in marriage and family therapy, she enjoys working with couples, families and individuals of all ages. She has been practicing in the local area for almost 15 years.

Helping your child handle stress and build resiliency during COVID-19

Sat, 01 Aug 2020 22:28:00 GMT

During these adverse and uniquely challenging times, it is more important than ever to protect children’s emotional well-being and help them manage stress. Children’s development continues on, even as pandemics and crisis overhaul life as we know it. Supporting that development and building resiliency doesn’t have to take an extraordinary amount of time or effort. There are simple ways to support your child’s well-being while facing the adversity and stress from COVID-19. Focusing on three important principles- supportive relationships, life skills, and reducing sources of stress- can assist your child in successfully adjusting to changes and having better outcomes after experiencing a trauma or crisis.

Supportive relationships

Extreme experiences that cause excessive stress can be harmful to children’s developing brains and can overload their capacity to engage productively in school, families, and communities. Powerful stress-protection shields exist in the form of supportive caregivers, families, and friends. Studies have shown social connectedness improves children’s chances of showing resilience to adversity. Stable and responsive relationships help protect children from the potential harm that excessive stress can cause. Here are some tips:

1. Minimize abrupt and significant changes to important relationships in the child’s life. 2. Strengthen family relationships by promoting frequent interactions and meaningful connections through play-time and structured activities.

3. Keep relationships thriving through video-chats, letters, phone calls, and other forms of communication with those you and your child can’t physically be with.

Life skills

Children and adults alike, depend on a set of essential skills to support our ability to focus, make plans, adapt to changing situations, and resist impulsive behaviors. These skills are developed over time through practice and teaching. Parents can encourage their children to make healthy choices through modeling appropriate social behavior, creating and maintaining supportive, reliable relationships and establishing routines. Parents can help their children’s development of beneficial skills and problem-solving capabilities by:

1. Looking for opportunities to teach new skills to children in everyday life at home. 2. Creating regular opportunities to learn and practice new skills in age-appropriate settings. 3. Breaking down new problems to solve in manageable steps. Provide supportive feedback along the way.

Reduce sources of stress

Not all stress is bad. However, reducing the pile-up of potential sources of stress will protect children from experiencing a stress response overload to multiple biological systems. Excessive stress can lead to feeling out of control, which can then lead to adverse reactions and behaviors in children. Having fewer experiences that trigger a powerful stress response allows for children’s developing brains to strengthen neural connections and learn valuable cognitive skills used for problem-solving and self-regulation. Parents can help their children reduce and manage stress by making sure their basic needs are met, establish consistent and predictable routines at home, focus on responsive caregiving through daily interactions, play-time, and open communication.